Battle Wounds and the Creative Process
Updated: Dec 17, 2020
The voices in my head speak loudly
But they rarely speak the truth
Living with arms crossed and closed
Rather than open to the world
When is the right time to engage?
It is never the right time if you are constantly waiting for a receptive audience.
Are you waiting on them,
or creating an excuse,
to stay inside your shell?
Fearing a reaction that doesn't yet exist.
Nothing scarier that putting out your art
exposing just a bit of your heart
into the hands of others
Some, if not most, will ignore it
They don't have room to bring it in.
And that is perfectly fine, because
I have been there myself.
Everyone. Every day. Is fighting their own battles.
But perhaps ...
Giving this little bit of yourself
only grows in another's soul
It's not like you break off a piece and give it away, but rather
you share a piece that you still hold tight to - but now it is mutually held.
But maybe, just maybe ...
there is one or two, or five that
are willing to accept it or at least listen, with open ears
Who are willing to take this part of you
and make it a part of them.
And it will help them, too.
I am inspired today because someone
reached out to me, remembered me, thought of me
I was a little guarded at first, not ready to drop the wall
It caught me by surprise and I steered the conversation to small talk.
It is easy to forget the good things I've done
when I'm lost in the echoes
of the voices in my head
that don't always speak the truth.
"Ain't no lies like the lies you tell yourself."
But where is the outlet?
How do I reach others when we
Can't be in the same space,
Can't breath the same air,
Can't connect in person.
And live with the ever-present fear of not being able to read the room.
It has to be Book of the Face
But it feels diluted
It feels polluted
by posts that take my thoughts down avenues that I did not intend
and drains me of energy.
That sometimes takes minutes, hours, days, or weeks to recover
to get back on the road and continue the journey.
To continue the battle.
Battle Wounds and Combat Fatigue
aren't always from fighting a physical enemy
In fact (or in theory)
The enemy that does the most damage is
right between my ears
right behind the eyes in the mirror
buried in the chemical signals within my chest
Adrenaline Serotonin Epinephrine Dopamine
Melatonin Oxytocin Endorphins Cortisol
FIGHT or FLIGHT doesn't always mean
taking up arms or running for the hills,
sometimes it means you just pull up the blanket
over your head
and go back to sleep.
Unable to face the day and its invisible, but very real, monsters.
But maybe ...
it means that you get up
have a second cup of coffee
listen to your own breathing
and soldier on for another day
Aware that YOU are doing good things
The worst enemy is often within
but the best part is
that they are almost always willing
to call a cease fire
and sit down at the bargaining table.